Fast forward to now...4/11/2019.
After years of research, 20 years of following false leads, lies the doctor told my parents about the donor being a medical student, stalking people I thought were potentially my donor...there was finally a break!
October 28, 2014, a new relative on 23andme who shares 25.6% of my DNA. That's a lot! I share 50.0% with my mother and 53.0% with my sister, both also with DNA tests on 23andme. Typically, I share around 1% or less with other matches on the site. 23andme predicted that this new match was my grandson. That wasn't possible...I was born in 1957 and he was born in 1973. I know I don't have any grandchildren. Sharing 25% DNA, he had to be a grandson, grandfather, nephew, uncle, or...a HALF-BROTHER. Voila! Finally, a half-sibling!!
So excited! What do I write to him? What if he doesn't know his parents used a sperm donor (the common practice)? Do I want to be the one to tell him he has another dad who is a sperm donor? That's not my role. So many questions and thoughts and emotions. I wrote to him in general terms at first. After a long delay, he wrote back. Then I told him the story of my parents, Dr. Trythall and the sperm donor. He talked to his mother, who also went to Dr. Trythall and had used a sperm donor to get pregnant. What a shock for him! What a way to find out your true origins!
Then, a half-sister appeared on 23andme. I shared 31.0% DNA with her. Same story. She talked to her mother, who went to a colleague of Dr. Trythall and used a sperm donor to get pregnant. Again, what a horrible way to find out about your true identity, through a DNA test.
For a long time, it was the four of us half-siblings, me, my sister, our half-brother (16 years younger than me) and our half-sister (18 years younger than me). We bonded, through emails, pictures, Facebook, etc. It was an amazing journey for all of us. We had an opportunity to all meet each other in California. We were excited, nervous, you can imagine...and it was a great meeting!!
Then the half-siblings started showing up, on 23andme, ancestry, myheritage DNA sites. Some knew their parents had used a sperm donor. Some didn't....they found out through DNA testing and matching up with half-siblings. Some people haven't responded to messages. Some are excited and want to know everything about the family. Some are dealing with the shock and emotions of finding out about this. As of today, including the donor's 4 sons, there are 41 DNA confirmed half-siblings in our donor group. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how many of us there really are. The donors 4 sons were born 1942-1955. The DNA matched half-siblings were born 1955-1984, so far. The donor donated for 30 years!!
We all were conceived in Detroit, Michigan (and suburbs) by Dr. Trythall and his colleagues, Dr.s Jeremias, Gilliard, Gustafson, Ely, Mast and Stephens. Hundreds (or perhaps thousands) of half-siblings all growing up in Detroit or a car drive from there. Imagine the implications! What if 2 half-siblings fell in love, married and had children. Some of us had crossed paths before we knew that we were related so closely. I think the doctors believed this would all remain secret indefinitely, never imagined that DNA testing would reveal their secret practice of sperm donation.
I will continue sharing this incredible, exciting, frightening journey. We are an amazing group of people, my half-sibling group. At the same time, there are a lot of problems with the way sperm donation is done. The big two: secrecy and the large number of offspring from each donor. Our journey is not unique. There are pockets of half-sibling groups finding each other through DNA testing across the United States and worldwide. I will continue sharing this journey in an effort to help bring the truth to light and to advocate for ethical changes in the practice of sperm donation. It is all still done behind closed doors, behind the curtain of confidentiality, privacy and anonymity. The doctors still lie about how many offspring each donor produces. The doctors regulate their own practice, the hen guarding the henhouse. What about the offspring rights? We have a right to know our true identity, who our biological/genetic father and half-siblings are. Psychologically, it is so much healthier to find out our origins from our parents, in an age-appropriate manner, as we are growing up, without the shame and confusion of secrecy.
The journey continues...41 and counting...
