If "We are all one", as the spiritual leaders say...let it begin with our sperm donor family and all of it's connections...
According to John Doe Donor, Dr. Trythall had about 16 donors he used. We are starting to find more of them and some of the connections between them. It is a very confusing web of connections, easiest to explain with a diagram.
Donor A is our half-sibling group, Hank Heemsoth is the donor, and at this point we have 41 DNA-confirmed half-siblings. Individuals below, on the same line, grew up together in the same family (each in a different color), i.e. their families were given multiple sperm donors. (I'll use M for male and F for female.) Our donor, HH, did lawn and handyman work for Dr. Trythall. Another donor, RR, was his driver. Three of these donors are Lithuanian (B, C, E). Group C are all very tall. One group member said they think they had the Monday donor. An article about the history of donor insemination recommended to physicians to use 3 different donors every other day during the woman's fertile time. We're not sure what Dr. Trythall's theories or practicalities were for selecting donors, other than it was common practice to match the physical characteristics of the donor to the social father.
Donor A B C D E F
41 7-10? 8 16 ? ?
HH EC RR ? RR's brother RR ?
M.....................F
F......................M
M..........................................F
M.................F
M................M
M..........................................................................................F
I have met individuals in groups B and C. One of them (from group C) introduced herself as my half-brother's half-sister's half-sister.
Confused? No kidding!! And this is just the beginning, the tip of the iceberg. These are only the people that have done DNA testing and have found each other, so far...
Wednesday, April 24, 2019
Tuesday, April 23, 2019
The Detroit Donor
How I found a Detroit donor and the mind-blowing things he told me...
Remember that 1993 was when my mom first told us about our sperm donor. There weren't many resources for Sperm Donor Offspring. Internet resources were in their infancy. I searched and found one support group...amazing! Candace Turner was the leader of the group. I joined their monthly conference calls, with a few other donor offspring, nationwide, and one donor. The donor was from Detroit...also amazing! He was a year younger than me, not my donor, but he was aware of Dr. Trythall and he donated sperm for Dr. T's medical heirs.
The Detroit donor...let's call him John Doe Donor, not his real name of course. The stories he told were incredible, frightening and perhaps true. John DD started calling me individually too. I remember trying to cook dinner, take care of my three young kids and talk to John, while writing notes about what he told me on any little scrap of paper I could find. Why would he join a group like this and keep calling me anyway? I think he really had a need to talk, to tell others what he was doing. He had to keep his sperm donor activities secret from everyone else in his life. Who else could he talk to?
According to John Doe Donor from Detroit:
(1) As of 1993, in Detroit, there was one donor who donated for 30 years and had over 3,000 offspring. There were also 15 donors with over 1,000 offspring. Yes, thousands!
(2) At times, John DD would put on a white medical coat, pretend he was a medical intern and attend the births of the babies that his sperm created. The parents did not know he was their donor. How intrusive and unethical!! Obviously, the attending doctors had to assist him in doing this.
(3) At times, when women were having trouble getting pregnant with donor insemination, he would perform "Natural Insemination" or "NI". He would have intercourse with the women, in the doctor's office, to get them pregnant.
I spoke with John Doe Donor again in the summer of 2018. He confirmed all of the above. He stated that he was still donating sperm, but only to families that already had his offspring and wanted to use his sperm again. He has donated for close to 40 years, as he started as a college student and is now in his late 50's. With frozen sperm and splitting semen samples, one can only imagine how many offspring he has. How many other donors are there like him?
(3) John DD again confirmed doing "NI". He said there were 2 rooms for this "procedure", one like a medical setting and one a bedroom setting. The women select which setting is more comfortable for them.
(4) John DD said that he now works with the sperm bank helping new donors get acclimated to the work of donating sperm. International Cryogenics is the only sperm bank in the Detroit area. Dr. Stephens, one of the doctors who purchased Dr. Trythall's practice, was the Medical Director there for a long time, and has recently retired.
What are your thoughts about these medical practices? I totally understand the desire to have children. It is life changing, instinctive, part of the human drive to survive and flourish. But...what about these practices? Thousands of offspring from one person? I could have 3,000 half-siblings ....two offspring born each week for 30 years, from one man. My donor half-sibling group was born 1955-1984 (so far). We would be that largest group...3,000 half-siblings! Already at 41 DNA-confirmed half-siblings, it is hard to keep track of my relations.
Remember that 1993 was when my mom first told us about our sperm donor. There weren't many resources for Sperm Donor Offspring. Internet resources were in their infancy. I searched and found one support group...amazing! Candace Turner was the leader of the group. I joined their monthly conference calls, with a few other donor offspring, nationwide, and one donor. The donor was from Detroit...also amazing! He was a year younger than me, not my donor, but he was aware of Dr. Trythall and he donated sperm for Dr. T's medical heirs.
The Detroit donor...let's call him John Doe Donor, not his real name of course. The stories he told were incredible, frightening and perhaps true. John DD started calling me individually too. I remember trying to cook dinner, take care of my three young kids and talk to John, while writing notes about what he told me on any little scrap of paper I could find. Why would he join a group like this and keep calling me anyway? I think he really had a need to talk, to tell others what he was doing. He had to keep his sperm donor activities secret from everyone else in his life. Who else could he talk to?
According to John Doe Donor from Detroit:
(1) As of 1993, in Detroit, there was one donor who donated for 30 years and had over 3,000 offspring. There were also 15 donors with over 1,000 offspring. Yes, thousands!
(2) At times, John DD would put on a white medical coat, pretend he was a medical intern and attend the births of the babies that his sperm created. The parents did not know he was their donor. How intrusive and unethical!! Obviously, the attending doctors had to assist him in doing this.
(3) At times, when women were having trouble getting pregnant with donor insemination, he would perform "Natural Insemination" or "NI". He would have intercourse with the women, in the doctor's office, to get them pregnant.
I spoke with John Doe Donor again in the summer of 2018. He confirmed all of the above. He stated that he was still donating sperm, but only to families that already had his offspring and wanted to use his sperm again. He has donated for close to 40 years, as he started as a college student and is now in his late 50's. With frozen sperm and splitting semen samples, one can only imagine how many offspring he has. How many other donors are there like him?
(3) John DD again confirmed doing "NI". He said there were 2 rooms for this "procedure", one like a medical setting and one a bedroom setting. The women select which setting is more comfortable for them.
(4) John DD said that he now works with the sperm bank helping new donors get acclimated to the work of donating sperm. International Cryogenics is the only sperm bank in the Detroit area. Dr. Stephens, one of the doctors who purchased Dr. Trythall's practice, was the Medical Director there for a long time, and has recently retired.
What are your thoughts about these medical practices? I totally understand the desire to have children. It is life changing, instinctive, part of the human drive to survive and flourish. But...what about these practices? Thousands of offspring from one person? I could have 3,000 half-siblings ....two offspring born each week for 30 years, from one man. My donor half-sibling group was born 1955-1984 (so far). We would be that largest group...3,000 half-siblings! Already at 41 DNA-confirmed half-siblings, it is hard to keep track of my relations.
Thursday, April 18, 2019
Lies the Doctors Told Our Parents
Our donor sibling group was born between 1955-1984. While this wasn't the beginning of sperm donation practice, it was a time when it was developing further. There are some interesting articles about the history of donor insemination: Kleegman, "Therapeutic Donor Insemination", 1953; and Swanson, "Adultery by doctor: artificial insemination 1890-1945", 2012.
The doctors practicing donor insemination prior to 1985 told our parents many lies about the sperm donors they were using for our conceptions. This was part of the thinking at the time by the network of physicians practicing donor insemination, based on these articles.
The lies:
(1) Our sperm donor was a medical student.
False. Our sperm donor had a 9th grade education, GED, and worked at Chrysler and did odd jobs to help support his family...including being a sperm donor for 30 years. Based on his offspring, the donor must have been an intelligent man. Education level and intelligence don't always correlate. People had to work to support their families and didn't always have the opportunity of education. Nevertheless, the doctors routinely lied to our parents and told them the donor was a medical student. OMG, I spent so many years searching for the donor, knocking on the wrong doors, based on that misinformation.
(2) Each donor was used for 6-8 families.
False. Some of our half-sibling's families were told that our donor provided sperm for 6-8 families. This same information was again told to a half-sibling when she called the physician's office to gather information about her background. At this point, with 41 half-siblings in our donor group, we represent 34 families. This is the tip of the iceberg. This only includes the people who have done DNA testing. One can only imagine how many families our donor provided sperm for to help create their families in the Detroit area. Scary thought!
(3) Families were told that the doctor used the same sperm donor within their family.
False. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. Some of the families in our sperm donor group did get the same donor. For example, my sister and I are full genetic siblings. More often, when our half-sibling's familial siblings did DNA testing, they found out they were conceived from different donors. They were genetically half-siblings as well. Feeling confused? It is very confusing. The physicians created a large, intricate web of relationships, with different families sharing a pool of donors. Sometimes a family's offspring had the same donor, sometimes not. Each donor was used for a large number of families. It's difficult to picture or write about this web of relationships because there are so many different connections in it. More on this later...
The doctors practicing donor insemination prior to 1985 told our parents many lies about the sperm donors they were using for our conceptions. This was part of the thinking at the time by the network of physicians practicing donor insemination, based on these articles.
The lies:
(1) Our sperm donor was a medical student.
False. Our sperm donor had a 9th grade education, GED, and worked at Chrysler and did odd jobs to help support his family...including being a sperm donor for 30 years. Based on his offspring, the donor must have been an intelligent man. Education level and intelligence don't always correlate. People had to work to support their families and didn't always have the opportunity of education. Nevertheless, the doctors routinely lied to our parents and told them the donor was a medical student. OMG, I spent so many years searching for the donor, knocking on the wrong doors, based on that misinformation.
(2) Each donor was used for 6-8 families.
False. Some of our half-sibling's families were told that our donor provided sperm for 6-8 families. This same information was again told to a half-sibling when she called the physician's office to gather information about her background. At this point, with 41 half-siblings in our donor group, we represent 34 families. This is the tip of the iceberg. This only includes the people who have done DNA testing. One can only imagine how many families our donor provided sperm for to help create their families in the Detroit area. Scary thought!
(3) Families were told that the doctor used the same sperm donor within their family.
False. Sometimes they did, sometimes they didn't. Some of the families in our sperm donor group did get the same donor. For example, my sister and I are full genetic siblings. More often, when our half-sibling's familial siblings did DNA testing, they found out they were conceived from different donors. They were genetically half-siblings as well. Feeling confused? It is very confusing. The physicians created a large, intricate web of relationships, with different families sharing a pool of donors. Sometimes a family's offspring had the same donor, sometimes not. Each donor was used for a large number of families. It's difficult to picture or write about this web of relationships because there are so many different connections in it. More on this later...
Thursday, April 11, 2019
Fast forward to now...4/11/2019...41 half-siblings and counting
Fast forward to now...4/11/2019.
After years of research, 20 years of following false leads, lies the doctor told my parents about the donor being a medical student, stalking people I thought were potentially my donor...there was finally a break!
October 28, 2014, a new relative on 23andme who shares 25.6% of my DNA. That's a lot! I share 50.0% with my mother and 53.0% with my sister, both also with DNA tests on 23andme. Typically, I share around 1% or less with other matches on the site. 23andme predicted that this new match was my grandson. That wasn't possible...I was born in 1957 and he was born in 1973. I know I don't have any grandchildren. Sharing 25% DNA, he had to be a grandson, grandfather, nephew, uncle, or...a HALF-BROTHER. Voila! Finally, a half-sibling!!
So excited! What do I write to him? What if he doesn't know his parents used a sperm donor (the common practice)? Do I want to be the one to tell him he has another dad who is a sperm donor? That's not my role. So many questions and thoughts and emotions. I wrote to him in general terms at first. After a long delay, he wrote back. Then I told him the story of my parents, Dr. Trythall and the sperm donor. He talked to his mother, who also went to Dr. Trythall and had used a sperm donor to get pregnant. What a shock for him! What a way to find out your true origins!
Then, a half-sister appeared on 23andme. I shared 31.0% DNA with her. Same story. She talked to her mother, who went to a colleague of Dr. Trythall and used a sperm donor to get pregnant. Again, what a horrible way to find out about your true identity, through a DNA test.
For a long time, it was the four of us half-siblings, me, my sister, our half-brother (16 years younger than me) and our half-sister (18 years younger than me). We bonded, through emails, pictures, Facebook, etc. It was an amazing journey for all of us. We had an opportunity to all meet each other in California. We were excited, nervous, you can imagine...and it was a great meeting!!
Then the half-siblings started showing up, on 23andme, ancestry, myheritage DNA sites. Some knew their parents had used a sperm donor. Some didn't....they found out through DNA testing and matching up with half-siblings. Some people haven't responded to messages. Some are excited and want to know everything about the family. Some are dealing with the shock and emotions of finding out about this. As of today, including the donor's 4 sons, there are 41 DNA confirmed half-siblings in our donor group. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how many of us there really are. The donors 4 sons were born 1942-1955. The DNA matched half-siblings were born 1955-1984, so far. The donor donated for 30 years!!
We all were conceived in Detroit, Michigan (and suburbs) by Dr. Trythall and his colleagues, Dr.s Jeremias, Gilliard, Gustafson, Ely, Mast and Stephens. Hundreds (or perhaps thousands) of half-siblings all growing up in Detroit or a car drive from there. Imagine the implications! What if 2 half-siblings fell in love, married and had children. Some of us had crossed paths before we knew that we were related so closely. I think the doctors believed this would all remain secret indefinitely, never imagined that DNA testing would reveal their secret practice of sperm donation.
I will continue sharing this incredible, exciting, frightening journey. We are an amazing group of people, my half-sibling group. At the same time, there are a lot of problems with the way sperm donation is done. The big two: secrecy and the large number of offspring from each donor. Our journey is not unique. There are pockets of half-sibling groups finding each other through DNA testing across the United States and worldwide. I will continue sharing this journey in an effort to help bring the truth to light and to advocate for ethical changes in the practice of sperm donation. It is all still done behind closed doors, behind the curtain of confidentiality, privacy and anonymity. The doctors still lie about how many offspring each donor produces. The doctors regulate their own practice, the hen guarding the henhouse. What about the offspring rights? We have a right to know our true identity, who our biological/genetic father and half-siblings are. Psychologically, it is so much healthier to find out our origins from our parents, in an age-appropriate manner, as we are growing up, without the shame and confusion of secrecy.
The journey continues...41 and counting...
After years of research, 20 years of following false leads, lies the doctor told my parents about the donor being a medical student, stalking people I thought were potentially my donor...there was finally a break!
October 28, 2014, a new relative on 23andme who shares 25.6% of my DNA. That's a lot! I share 50.0% with my mother and 53.0% with my sister, both also with DNA tests on 23andme. Typically, I share around 1% or less with other matches on the site. 23andme predicted that this new match was my grandson. That wasn't possible...I was born in 1957 and he was born in 1973. I know I don't have any grandchildren. Sharing 25% DNA, he had to be a grandson, grandfather, nephew, uncle, or...a HALF-BROTHER. Voila! Finally, a half-sibling!!
So excited! What do I write to him? What if he doesn't know his parents used a sperm donor (the common practice)? Do I want to be the one to tell him he has another dad who is a sperm donor? That's not my role. So many questions and thoughts and emotions. I wrote to him in general terms at first. After a long delay, he wrote back. Then I told him the story of my parents, Dr. Trythall and the sperm donor. He talked to his mother, who also went to Dr. Trythall and had used a sperm donor to get pregnant. What a shock for him! What a way to find out your true origins!
Then, a half-sister appeared on 23andme. I shared 31.0% DNA with her. Same story. She talked to her mother, who went to a colleague of Dr. Trythall and used a sperm donor to get pregnant. Again, what a horrible way to find out about your true identity, through a DNA test.
For a long time, it was the four of us half-siblings, me, my sister, our half-brother (16 years younger than me) and our half-sister (18 years younger than me). We bonded, through emails, pictures, Facebook, etc. It was an amazing journey for all of us. We had an opportunity to all meet each other in California. We were excited, nervous, you can imagine...and it was a great meeting!!
Then the half-siblings started showing up, on 23andme, ancestry, myheritage DNA sites. Some knew their parents had used a sperm donor. Some didn't....they found out through DNA testing and matching up with half-siblings. Some people haven't responded to messages. Some are excited and want to know everything about the family. Some are dealing with the shock and emotions of finding out about this. As of today, including the donor's 4 sons, there are 41 DNA confirmed half-siblings in our donor group. This is just the tip of the iceberg. Who knows how many of us there really are. The donors 4 sons were born 1942-1955. The DNA matched half-siblings were born 1955-1984, so far. The donor donated for 30 years!!
We all were conceived in Detroit, Michigan (and suburbs) by Dr. Trythall and his colleagues, Dr.s Jeremias, Gilliard, Gustafson, Ely, Mast and Stephens. Hundreds (or perhaps thousands) of half-siblings all growing up in Detroit or a car drive from there. Imagine the implications! What if 2 half-siblings fell in love, married and had children. Some of us had crossed paths before we knew that we were related so closely. I think the doctors believed this would all remain secret indefinitely, never imagined that DNA testing would reveal their secret practice of sperm donation.
I will continue sharing this incredible, exciting, frightening journey. We are an amazing group of people, my half-sibling group. At the same time, there are a lot of problems with the way sperm donation is done. The big two: secrecy and the large number of offspring from each donor. Our journey is not unique. There are pockets of half-sibling groups finding each other through DNA testing across the United States and worldwide. I will continue sharing this journey in an effort to help bring the truth to light and to advocate for ethical changes in the practice of sperm donation. It is all still done behind closed doors, behind the curtain of confidentiality, privacy and anonymity. The doctors still lie about how many offspring each donor produces. The doctors regulate their own practice, the hen guarding the henhouse. What about the offspring rights? We have a right to know our true identity, who our biological/genetic father and half-siblings are. Psychologically, it is so much healthier to find out our origins from our parents, in an age-appropriate manner, as we are growing up, without the shame and confusion of secrecy.
The journey continues...41 and counting...
Wednesday, April 10, 2019
My Other Dad is a Sperm Donor
First of all, I want to say Thank You to my parents for having the courage to create me using a sperm donor in the mid 1950s. Sperm donation wasn't common, but happening more than one would imagine. And...a huge Thank You to my mom, for telling us the truth, finally. I share this journey with my sister.
Early in 1993, my dad passed away. A few days later, while walking in the mall with my mother, she said, "There's something I have to tell you...". Looong pause. "Your father may not have been your real father." And thus began the journey...finding out that my biological/genetic father was a sperm donor.
I was 35 years old at the time and wow, did my world change in an instant. It was a great relief initially. All of a sudden a lot of things made sense. We knew my dad had secrets, even asked him as he was dying what he was hiding from us. All the innuendos, strange comments, conversations and arguments behind closed doors, not fitting into my family in a lot of ways...it all made sense!
As time went on, the journey became more difficult...so many questions. Who am I? Is that where this or that characteristic came from? Who is my sperm donor? Do I have other half-siblings? On and on, you can imagine...I felt like my foundation had been knocked out from under me and I had to rebuild who I was.
So, this is the journey...having a mom, a dad and an anonymous-sperm-donor-biological-genetic father. There are a lot of people who go through this journey, in their own way, in their own time, under unique circumstances. I want to share what I have learned over the past 26 years in hopes of helping others with their journeys and to shed light on the realities of what is occurring in the world of sperm donation.
We are all Pioneers on this journey.
Early in 1993, my dad passed away. A few days later, while walking in the mall with my mother, she said, "There's something I have to tell you...". Looong pause. "Your father may not have been your real father." And thus began the journey...finding out that my biological/genetic father was a sperm donor.
I was 35 years old at the time and wow, did my world change in an instant. It was a great relief initially. All of a sudden a lot of things made sense. We knew my dad had secrets, even asked him as he was dying what he was hiding from us. All the innuendos, strange comments, conversations and arguments behind closed doors, not fitting into my family in a lot of ways...it all made sense!
As time went on, the journey became more difficult...so many questions. Who am I? Is that where this or that characteristic came from? Who is my sperm donor? Do I have other half-siblings? On and on, you can imagine...I felt like my foundation had been knocked out from under me and I had to rebuild who I was.
So, this is the journey...having a mom, a dad and an anonymous-sperm-donor-biological-genetic father. There are a lot of people who go through this journey, in their own way, in their own time, under unique circumstances. I want to share what I have learned over the past 26 years in hopes of helping others with their journeys and to shed light on the realities of what is occurring in the world of sperm donation.
We are all Pioneers on this journey.
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